You start with one. A burning curiosity. A troubling occurrence. A line in a book that you didn’t quite understand. And so, starts your journey…
You start where you know. Memories usually hold unearthed wisdoms, and so you chart your mind. What about that one thing that happened a few days ago? Or the other that you faintly remember from years in the past? They won’t work, the context was different, the characters were blurry.
You venture to the edge of your mind, to the line between light and darkness, where the dullness begins. Maybe a google search, a conversation with a friend, or a book you have at home will help kick off your mind to new terrain. Futile remain these humble attempts. The question: still alive, still alight.
Friends oversimplify, giving great advice at times, and frustrate you by misinterpreting the gravity in your words. ‘What will you gain by knowing that?’ ‘Just forget about so and so…’ ‘That’s why I always mind my own business…’ This frustrates you at first, but you learn to let it add fuel to your inner fire; your determination grows, you WILL find your answer.
You search frantically. Mind. Memories. Books. People. All read your question so superficially that asking for their help now seems pointless. You don’t want their silly solution, you want yours. And hours at a time pass, while you are perpetuating in your thoughts, unable to stop thinking, yet your brain is aching; unable to give up, yet your heart is sore. You can do nothing, but have patience.
During a time that you dare not count, you continue waiting for your heart and mind to give you their all, for they have not failed you, but they certainly need their recovery. And so you are on your walk. The stone that you cast in the pond causes a wake, and the water settles shortly after. The waterfall screams in your ears; it seems to understand you more than people can. The sky, so elegant, effortlessly shifts and flows as if there’s not a worry in the world. The trees, remain steady, so tightly held in position by their own strength.
The sun shines through the sky, and through the leaves, as two children come by to play. Laughing, they decide to jump in the lake. How innocent, you think, the mishaps of life haven’t touched them yet. And in their good humour, you decide to be inspired and turn back to your question, wherein emerges ever so faint a light…